Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

What to do??????? Put a mobile home beside my parents? Buy some land in Hardin/Moss Hill area and build a small home? Purchase a starter home in Mont Belvieu, Baytown or Atascocita (trying to stay close to my parents)? Or buy a nice size foreclosure home at a good price but will have to fix up?

So many decisions to make but as I have a birthday tomorrow, I am feeling the pressure of my 30's. Several times before I was going to buy a home but could never make up my mind. I wish I would have bought a home back then. Over the years I have paid wayyyyyy too much rent for places that will never be mine. I want something of my own. It upsets me that some people in my family think that I should just wait and inherit my parents home. Well, I hope that my parents are around for a long time to come. Also why is it that everyone else in my family can experience the joy of owning their own home and I can't??? Isn't that a bit selfish? I want to stay close to my parents as their primary caretaker. So I have some big decisions to make...

Dejavu

I had dejavu the other day, wasn't the first time. But this time I am antsy about it, I tried to explain it to my mom and why I was excited about what might come of the dejavu I had before. Oh well, don't think she got it, ha! I'm just hoping it means what I think it does! If so I will tell you all about it in the near future. (crosses fingers and keeps the faith)

Had a great weekend kicked off with Hornet Football Homecoming on Friday. I don't think I've had this much school spirit since I was in school. I am excited about Hardin Ex Students Association, so all you that haven't join, let me know so I can get you into a great organization that is concerned with keeping spirit for the former students and current students. You don't have to be a graduate just have attended a Hardin school. Memberships are $25 for annual dues, then we have the Hornet $250, Blue $500, and Gold (Lifetime) $1,000. I am the decade cooridinator for 1991-2000. I graduated in 1996 so I need someone from the other years to volunteer to help with gathering memberships from ex students. We have a scholarship fund, we are restoring the Home Ec Cottage as our permanent meeting place after the school board approves it, and we have other projects in the works. GO HORNETS!

Dragonfly

So this past week has been hard. Mark and I broke up for good, I'm sure and we both agreed it was time, but it's still hard for me. I guess he's taking it better or at least acting like it. I think for me it's just that we have put 2 years into this and it's failed but hey some people put longer than that into it and do the same. We just couldn't make it work so many miles apart. Our relationship never stood a chance. But the past couple days I have been much better! Along with my parents illnesses that have kept me busy taking care of them and not really myself, I've started the thoughts of being ready for marriage and a family of my own. I've been stressed!!!!!!!

So Thursday morning I picked my mom up for dialysis. In comes a dragonfly through the front door when I was loading the car. Just the day before someone posted a church saying about a different type of "drag n fly" and my friend Shelli posted something about the real "dragonfly" and its symbolism. I told her about it and received encouragement from her. I saw another yesterday. I don't know if this is a sign but I am hoping it is.

I feel better after a couple days on Galveston Island. Just waiting on these two dragonflies to do their work. Here is tidbit on the symbolism of dragonflies......

DRAGONFLY SYMBOLISM
For as many cultural meanings there are for Dragonflies, there are just as many symbol meanings of the strong winged insect. The main symbolism are renewal, positive force and power of life in general with a sense of self that comes with maturity. The Dragonfly is a creature of the wind so it's only fitting that it represents change. They skitter across the water surface implying that our deeper thoughts are surfacing. We are reminded that when our deeper thoughts rise we must also pay close attention to what is deeper than what's on the surface.The Dragonfly's colors are a result of reflecting the power of light so they are associated with color magic or an illusion in causing others only to see what you want them to see. They remind us that we are made of light and we can reflect light in powerful ways if we choose to. They symbolize going past self created illusions that limit our growing and changing and being a creature of water they carry a symbol of dreaming and thoughts.The most popular answer of dragonfly symbolism is the sense of self that comes with maturity and there's a strong link to them and butterflies since they both represent change. Dragonflies are a creature that you learn to appreciate as you age and look more deeply at your life, which is where the link to change and self appreciation comes in. As we age we don't just see the surface of things, we start to pick apart our lives and see more meaning in things. No matter what symbol you see in the insect, the fact is that the dragonfly lives a short life and lives it's life to the fullest which is the strongest lesson we can learn from them overall.

Cast your vote for my talk show on OWN TV

HELLO WORLD! I've always had a dream of touching people's lives through efficient communication and bonding practices via television. My dream might just come true and you can help me achieve it.

I am auditioning for my OWN show on Oprah Winfrey's new television network. Please cast your vote in support of me. You can vote as many times as you like until July 3rd.

For those of you that don't know me as well......I'm giving, outgoing, funny, talented, and ready to show America how we can love life! I've always been told I should have my own talk show and I never stopped believing that I could. This is my chance!

I would appreciate if you would PASS THE WORD!!!!!

Morika's Audition: Real Life with Rika - OWN TV
http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=1310&promo_id=1

HAPPY!

Mom is better and I have started getting a lot more help! This is allowing me to continue to pursue my dreams. I am hoping to have a great announcement in the coming weeks!!!!!!

ME TIME

I really enjoyed the vacation time Mark and I had last month. But I stay so busy doing for others when I am at home, I make no time for myself. I have been blaming others but last night after I forgot something I wanted to attend with a friend. I realized I could only blame myself. I have let this consume me. I miss the days when I had fun with friends and good times. The past couple years have been hell but I know that I can make it better and I have to let myself have time for myself.

My mom on dialysis

So while I was on vacation in Vegas/California, my mom went into the hopsital for kidney failure. Her kidney function has been going down the past 4 years or so. Unfortunately because she wasn't taking her medicine correctly becaue she wanted to continue to teach, tests were showing a false function percentage. Once she retired and started taking the meds correctly about 6 weeks ago, true function was showing in blood tests. So far dialysis has been a roller coaster. As her primary care giver it's hard on me. Really hard, I get help here and there but it's not like the 24/7 experience I have on top of making sure my dad is alright as well. It's hard and I have had to put some of my plans on hold. I would love to hear from other children with parents on dialysis and in my position. I think it will be therapeutic. On a positive note, my mom was switched to morning shift for her dialysis yesterday and it worked better. Hoping maybe she can get switched for good, that would be great.